What does this mean to you? Does every touch lead somewhere? Should it?
This is a common thing I’m told from my patients; they avoid ALL touch because they are afraid of the beginning of it leading somewhere and then having to turn their partner down because they’re not interested in sex or struggling with their libido. They avoid it all together because they find it easier. This can cause relationship breakdown.
Not all touch needs or SHOULD be sexual, it can be sometimes, and sexual activity does start that way, it is also very important to have touch without implications, where you feel safe, where you feel loved and cared for and you don’t feel there are any expectations. This is how INTIMACY is created and this is different from sex. It is a building block. It releases oxytocin our feel-good hormone; it brings us closer together, it maintains our bond. When one partner in a couple is struggling with their libido, touch is a fantastic way to remain close and show love and affection for one another.
So what is nonsexual touch?
This can be cuddling on the couch, nuzzling into their arm or chest in bed, resting a hand on their leg, kissing when you leave for your day or come home at night, playing with her hair or giving him a head rub. These things ensure you maintain that closeness when sex is not on the table.
What to do about it?
For starters, take note of when and how you touch each other and how you feel about it. Then have a conversation about it and try incorporating some of these other ways to connect instead.
Tag: self-esteem
A Peak into Female Sexual Function
This is not as routine as getting a blood test. And it’s definitely not something that happens at your regular check-up. It’s not something that is the same for everyone. It IS dependent on what each person WANTS and FEELS. This can be vastly different.
So how do we measure it?
Sexual function is a tricky thing. There are so many different factors that contribute to it. It is not black and white or about engaging (or not engaging) in sexual activity solely. There is a Physical, Mental, Emotional, Sensual and Relationship aspect to it. Then we consider your overall health too; like your hormonal balance, your stress response, how you’re sleeping and what your energy looks like throughout the day.
Let’s look at the breakdown:
- Sexual Desire
- Sexual Satisfaction
- Emotional Relationship with Sex
- Emotional Relationship with your Body
- Relationship Satisfaction (with a partner or yourself)
- Overall Health
Have you been thinking about your Sexual Wellness? Are you looking for something more or someone to discuss it with? Book an appointment to see how I can help get you to living your most satisfied life!
Build Body Confidence
Are you happy in your body right now? No changes, no when x happens, but right now?
Starting a new year we tend to put extra pressure on ourselves to meet goals, achieve conventional standards and we can be our own worst critics. There is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with wanting to live a healthier life (in fact I’m all for it) but it is a problem if you set your expectations to be happy when those results are achieved.
No one is perfect.
And if you think they are, there are lots of things you just don’t see. To be happy now with your situation should be the goal or at a minimum having compassion for yourself where you currently are as we all go through ebbs and flows. After that, you can work towards those health goals.
This has a huge effect on your self-esteem.
And on your confidence too and that can impact your libido. When we feel good, we are more likely to want to share ourselves with our partner. When we don’t, we tend to hide and push them away.
If this is something you’re struggling with and finally want to break free off this year, book an appointment and we can discuss all the ways to get you feeling your best!
Have you Heard About This?
This does happen. You’re not alone.
So what actually is it?
Simply put, you don’t or can’t have an orgasm when you want to. You’ve done all the right things, you’re sufficiently turned on and yet you can’t quite get there. Then you get upset (rightfully so) and you become sexually dissatisfied and frustrated. I don’t blame you. This happens to all women at some point or another. It becomes a problem when this becomes a pattern. The less we enjoy something, the less we want to participate in it. The less we get the results we want, the less likely we are to try again.
What causes it?
A few different things. The medications you’re on, a decrease in sensation to the clitoral tissue, any number of hormonal imbalances, relationship breakdown, and psychological reasons like anxiety or past traumas.
Can I get my orgasm back?
YES! Just because this is the way you are feeling right now does not mean this is the way you always have to feel. The ability (and right) to have an orgasm is a reflection of our overall health. This is what are bodies are capable to do when all our other needs are met, we seek out PLEASURE.
Working with me I will tease out what is blocking your ability to fully achieve your O because that’s what every woman wants right?
PMID: 26439762
A Need to Know:
Your libido fluctuates. This is NORMAL.
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What’s not normal is when it stays that way for a long time. You are missing out on such a big part of being human; we all DESERVE PLEASURE in our life. Right now, the majority of us are under an increased level of stress and this could be killing your sex drive, but there are other underlying issues that could be having an effect. Let’s learn the causes:
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The Obvious Ones (the ones we normally think of)
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Hormonal Imbalance
Vulvodynia (Painful Sex)
Stress
Relationship Breakdown
Lack of Sleep
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The Less Obvious Ones (these are just as important)
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Endometriosis
Poor Body Image
Past Sexual Trauma
Low Self-Esteem
Vaginismus (Involuntary Vaginal Contractions)
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There are SO many reasons you may not be feeling yourself right now. That is okay. I am here to make sure that you get back on track solo, or with your partner, because we all need that. When patients come back to see me and tell me how much better they are feeling, it lights me up. Let me do that for you, book an appointment today!
Add Sex to your Wellness Routine
Let’s say that again. And now let’s think about it.
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What does optimization mean?
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It’s realizing your best life. It’s ensuring you are experiencing pleasure more times than you’re missing out. It’s learning how to make your body work for you. It’s improving your relationship with your body, yourself and your overall health. It’s realizing there are many ways to experience pleasure, it’s making love not porn.
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When we usually seek help
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When something is WRONG. Not when something is not quite right. If we can live with it, we leave it. It doesn’t have to be this way. You know your body better than anybody else. You know when it’s off. So why not address it? It doesn’t have to be a major problem for it to be a MAJOR problem for you.
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What might be wrong?
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Multiple things. Your libido is low. You’re in a love-hate relationship with your body. You experience pain with sex (vulvodynia). You’ve never achieved an orgasm (anorgasmia). You have vaginal dryness. Your period causes you pain and discomfort every month so miss that week. That pesky UTI keeps coming back (or that yeast infection). Your body is not working for YOU period.
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I work with women to help put a pin on what is missing; what is not quite right and then we work together to develop a plan to fix it. Life’s to short to not fully experience pleasure, am I right?
Your Body Image
In a study of 400 premenopausal women 40% stated that they had experienced decreased sexual desire due to dissatisfaction with their physical appearance. In another study of college aged women, 30% stated their negative body image had led to their sexual dysfunction.
What does this mean for you?
A healthy body image is one where you feel comfortable in your skin. You feel good about the way you look, and you do not associate your self-worth with how you perceive your body. When your perception about your body is off, you may hide yourself from intimate relationships with others and change how you carry yourself every day.
Health is so much more than a number on a scale. Learning how to care for and love your body can change your HAPPINESS levels and the amount of joy you let in your life. If you’re looking for help to take the next steps, I can help you get there. Together we will create a plan to get you on track towards a healthy body.
doi.org/10.1111/j.1743-6109.2010.01934.x
doi:10.1016/j.jsxm.2018.04.378