What does this mean to you? Does every touch lead somewhere? Should it?
This is a common thing I’m told from my patients; they avoid ALL touch because they are afraid of the beginning of it leading somewhere and then having to turn their partner down because they’re not interested in sex or struggling with their libido. They avoid it all together because they find it easier. This can cause relationship breakdown.
Not all touch needs or SHOULD be sexual, it can be sometimes, and sexual activity does start that way, it is also very important to have touch without implications, where you feel safe, where you feel loved and cared for and you don’t feel there are any expectations. This is how INTIMACY is created and this is different from sex. It is a building block. It releases oxytocin our feel-good hormone; it brings us closer together, it maintains our bond. When one partner in a couple is struggling with their libido, touch is a fantastic way to remain close and show love and affection for one another.
So what is nonsexual touch?
This can be cuddling on the couch, nuzzling into their arm or chest in bed, resting a hand on their leg, kissing when you leave for your day or come home at night, playing with her hair or giving him a head rub. These things ensure you maintain that closeness when sex is not on the table.
What to do about it?
For starters, take note of when and how you touch each other and how you feel about it. Then have a conversation about it and try incorporating some of these other ways to connect instead.
Tag: oxytocin
Oxytocin – The Cuddle Hormone
Are you held by your partner on a regular basis?
Oxytocin, a powerful neuropeptide (it acts as a hormone and a brain neurotransmitter) is often referred to as the “cuddle hormone” and is released when couples spend intimate time together. Oxytocin plays an important role in romantic relationships as it rewards contact between partners and increases pleasure during sex by stimulating your smooth muscles and sensitizing your nerve endings which lead to your sexual arousal.
Oxytocin is released through physical touch which can include hugging, kissing, stroking, cuddling or having sex and gives you that feeling of closeness. It is thought to work together with our feel-good hormones, dopamine and norepinephrine, by influencing the way these hormones interact with the reward center of our brain and associating these feelings with love. You could even say, the more oxytocin you create, the more closeness you crave from your partner.
If you are feeling disconnected from your partner or not in the mood, why not start by holding their hand? Small steps toward creating intimacy can have BIG results.
DOI: 10.9790/3008-1206060109