Yes, estrogen is one of the main female sex hormones. Yes, it balances with progesterone – the other main female sex hormone. And yes, we do have more than just the two.
But what does it actually do for your Sexual Wellness?
SO many things!
Estrogen is responsible for the development and maintenance of the reproductive system plus the typical female characteristics (hint: why you develop breasts during puberty). But beyond ensuring you ovulate each month, it does so much more.
Have too much? This can leave you with acne, bad PMS symptoms like swollen and tender breasts, weight gain, depression or anxiety, moodiness and a lost sex drive.
Have too little? You then may be experiencing hot flashes, sleeping problems, thinning of the vaginal wall causing vaginal dryness, moodiness and a lost sex drive. (And this may sound like your typical menopause picture.)
The takeaway: High AND low estrogen can impact your sexual desire and your mood but each in a different way.
If you want to learn more about how estrogen could be affecting your body, make an appointment to see how we can work together to regulate your levels.
Tag: libido
The Power of Touch
What does this mean to you? Does every touch lead somewhere? Should it?
This is a common thing I’m told from my patients; they avoid ALL touch because they are afraid of the beginning of it leading somewhere and then having to turn their partner down because they’re not interested in sex or struggling with their libido. They avoid it all together because they find it easier. This can cause relationship breakdown.
Not all touch needs or SHOULD be sexual, it can be sometimes, and sexual activity does start that way, it is also very important to have touch without implications, where you feel safe, where you feel loved and cared for and you don’t feel there are any expectations. This is how INTIMACY is created and this is different from sex. It is a building block. It releases oxytocin our feel-good hormone; it brings us closer together, it maintains our bond. When one partner in a couple is struggling with their libido, touch is a fantastic way to remain close and show love and affection for one another.
So what is nonsexual touch?
This can be cuddling on the couch, nuzzling into their arm or chest in bed, resting a hand on their leg, kissing when you leave for your day or come home at night, playing with her hair or giving him a head rub. These things ensure you maintain that closeness when sex is not on the table.
What to do about it?
For starters, take note of when and how you touch each other and how you feel about it. Then have a conversation about it and try incorporating some of these other ways to connect instead.
Your Thyroid & Your Libido
I thought having a thyroid problem made me gain/lose weight?
We’re going to look at HYPOthyroid (or less than optimal levels) of thyroxine, the thyroid hormone being produced by our body. When we have an underactive thyroid and it’s not doing all the things for our body that it’s supposed to, it can cause us to gain weight. (The opposite of this, hyperthyroid, can cause us to lose weight). Hypothyroid can also make you tired, be more sensitive to cold, experience constipation, have drier skin than usual, thin your hair, cause depression AND LOWER YOUR LIBIDO.
That’s right.
So, while you may have all of those other things and the last thing you are thinking about is sex, a thyroid problem could be the cause.
This works in a number of ways:
- It can lower your vaginal lubrication making sex uncomfortable, unenjoyable and less likely for you to want it.
- It may lower your testosterone (women produce this too) and that helps to boost your drive.
- It may make you tired and depressed and let’s face it, when you feel that way you are not going to be interested.
GOOD NEWS. You can fix this, the first step is to get your thyroid levels checked by your doctor to rule in (or out) your thyroid as a cause of your low sex drive. This is done through a simple blood test and I would be happy to do it for you.
A Peak into Female Sexual Function
This is not as routine as getting a blood test. And it’s definitely not something that happens at your regular check-up. It’s not something that is the same for everyone. It IS dependent on what each person WANTS and FEELS. This can be vastly different.
So how do we measure it?
Sexual function is a tricky thing. There are so many different factors that contribute to it. It is not black and white or about engaging (or not engaging) in sexual activity solely. There is a Physical, Mental, Emotional, Sensual and Relationship aspect to it. Then we consider your overall health too; like your hormonal balance, your stress response, how you’re sleeping and what your energy looks like throughout the day.
Let’s look at the breakdown:
- Sexual Desire
- Sexual Satisfaction
- Emotional Relationship with Sex
- Emotional Relationship with your Body
- Relationship Satisfaction (with a partner or yourself)
- Overall Health
Have you been thinking about your Sexual Wellness? Are you looking for something more or someone to discuss it with? Book an appointment to see how I can help get you to living your most satisfied life!
Build Body Confidence
Are you happy in your body right now? No changes, no when x happens, but right now?
Starting a new year we tend to put extra pressure on ourselves to meet goals, achieve conventional standards and we can be our own worst critics. There is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with wanting to live a healthier life (in fact I’m all for it) but it is a problem if you set your expectations to be happy when those results are achieved.
No one is perfect.
And if you think they are, there are lots of things you just don’t see. To be happy now with your situation should be the goal or at a minimum having compassion for yourself where you currently are as we all go through ebbs and flows. After that, you can work towards those health goals.
This has a huge effect on your self-esteem.
And on your confidence too and that can impact your libido. When we feel good, we are more likely to want to share ourselves with our partner. When we don’t, we tend to hide and push them away.
If this is something you’re struggling with and finally want to break free off this year, book an appointment and we can discuss all the ways to get you feeling your best!
The Keys to Great Sex
What makes for magnificent sex?
Hint. It’s not what you were made to believe. The research has been done, the results are in and it does not involve any crazy positions (although those can be good too).
So what makes it great?
Communication. Yes, the most obvious one but still the one that is so often missed. You have to tell your partner what you like. I promise they don’t know if you don’t say it. And you might not know what that is right away, that’s okay too. That’s why a focus on pleasure, not performance is SO key. You can find this out together. You just have to trust each other enough to be open to trying those new things.
What are the other keys?
Anticipation – think about those butterflies you get when you still don’t know what’s going to happen. Affection – intimacy OUTSIDE of your sexual relationship is key to creating intimacy inside your sexual relationship. A non-genital focus – only 30% of women orgasm from penetration, if this is all you are focusing on you will be missing out.
Want to learn more? Magnificent Sex: Lessons from Extraordinary Lovers written by two amazing female doctrates Peggy Kleinplatz and Dana Ménard explores the latest research in the sexual health field to help us all achieve this.
Have you Heard About This?
This does happen. You’re not alone.
So what actually is it?
Simply put, you don’t or can’t have an orgasm when you want to. You’ve done all the right things, you’re sufficiently turned on and yet you can’t quite get there. Then you get upset (rightfully so) and you become sexually dissatisfied and frustrated. I don’t blame you. This happens to all women at some point or another. It becomes a problem when this becomes a pattern. The less we enjoy something, the less we want to participate in it. The less we get the results we want, the less likely we are to try again.
What causes it?
A few different things. The medications you’re on, a decrease in sensation to the clitoral tissue, any number of hormonal imbalances, relationship breakdown, and psychological reasons like anxiety or past traumas.
Can I get my orgasm back?
YES! Just because this is the way you are feeling right now does not mean this is the way you always have to feel. The ability (and right) to have an orgasm is a reflection of our overall health. This is what are bodies are capable to do when all our other needs are met, we seek out PLEASURE.
Working with me I will tease out what is blocking your ability to fully achieve your O because that’s what every woman wants right?
PMID: 26439762
A Need to Know:
Your libido fluctuates. This is NORMAL.
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What’s not normal is when it stays that way for a long time. You are missing out on such a big part of being human; we all DESERVE PLEASURE in our life. Right now, the majority of us are under an increased level of stress and this could be killing your sex drive, but there are other underlying issues that could be having an effect. Let’s learn the causes:
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The Obvious Ones (the ones we normally think of)
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Hormonal Imbalance
Vulvodynia (Painful Sex)
Stress
Relationship Breakdown
Lack of Sleep
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The Less Obvious Ones (these are just as important)
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Endometriosis
Poor Body Image
Past Sexual Trauma
Low Self-Esteem
Vaginismus (Involuntary Vaginal Contractions)
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There are SO many reasons you may not be feeling yourself right now. That is okay. I am here to make sure that you get back on track solo, or with your partner, because we all need that. When patients come back to see me and tell me how much better they are feeling, it lights me up. Let me do that for you, book an appointment today!
Let’s Improve your Sleep & your Relationship
This has two benefits.
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Let’s start with sleep
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Researchers looked at stopping the use of your smartphone just 30 minutes before falling asleep. The results? After only four weeks sleep latency was reduced (the amount of time it takes to fall asleep), the amount of time you were actually asleep increased, your sleep quality improved (meaning you were able to achieve those coveted deep sleep waves). They found a reduction in your pre-sleep arousal (or an improvement in your relaxation), and as an added bonus, the NEXT day participants had improved mood (this is definitely me) and working memory. Is there a downside to this? I can’t think of one.
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How blue light affects your body
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Your body needs to produce melatonin (a hormone that helps regulate your circadian rhythm) to let you know it’s time to sleep. This is done through your eyes exposure, or lack thereof to light. It has been shown that light lowers the production of melatonin and that blue light (from smartphones) is extra powerful at doing this, making it even harder for you to fall asleep.
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And now for the effect on your relationship
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This is the easy one, I bet you can guess it. You get that extra little bit of quality time together. You can nurture your connection, check in at the end of a long day, and snag a snuggle increasing your oxytocin secretion (creating those feelings of love).
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If you are struggling with your sleep, I can help! There are many ways (other than just this) to help you fall asleep and stay asleep through the night. You can wake up feeling refreshed, let me get you there.
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DOI: 10.1371/journal.pone.0228756
Add Sex to your Wellness Routine
Let’s say that again. And now let’s think about it.
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What does optimization mean?
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It’s realizing your best life. It’s ensuring you are experiencing pleasure more times than you’re missing out. It’s learning how to make your body work for you. It’s improving your relationship with your body, yourself and your overall health. It’s realizing there are many ways to experience pleasure, it’s making love not porn.
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When we usually seek help
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When something is WRONG. Not when something is not quite right. If we can live with it, we leave it. It doesn’t have to be this way. You know your body better than anybody else. You know when it’s off. So why not address it? It doesn’t have to be a major problem for it to be a MAJOR problem for you.
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What might be wrong?
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Multiple things. Your libido is low. You’re in a love-hate relationship with your body. You experience pain with sex (vulvodynia). You’ve never achieved an orgasm (anorgasmia). You have vaginal dryness. Your period causes you pain and discomfort every month so miss that week. That pesky UTI keeps coming back (or that yeast infection). Your body is not working for YOU period.
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I work with women to help put a pin on what is missing; what is not quite right and then we work together to develop a plan to fix it. Life’s to short to not fully experience pleasure, am I right?
Don’t Forget to Look at your Partner
The cliché about staring into a lover’s eyes? It’s backed by science.
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What the science says
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Eye contact is a cornerstone of non-verbal communication between individuals. (The others are tone, pitch, speed of speech and body language) Did you know that? Eye contact is a key element that connects people when they’re communicating, and it shows their level of intimacy with each other. This is why you feel uncomfortable holding a prolonged gaze with a stranger but are okay to do it with someone you trust.
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Eye contact in your relationship
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Eye contact tells us if our SO is listening and responding to us; it lets us know when we have their full attention, it allows us to see their emotions including when they’re concerned, happy, having fun and feeling love.
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It IMPROVES your communication
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When we look at why a lot of relationships end, it can come down to a breakdown in communication. In the age of screens, it’s becoming harder and harder to get that full attention we crave. When you’re trying to relate something important and their full attention isn’t given in the form of eye contact, people reported having their feelings hurt. If what they are trying to convey isn’t given the attention they feel it deserves, they can withdraw a little bit from that relationship.
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What to do about it?
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The good news here is that making time to give your partner your undivided attention in the way of eye contact can actually work to repair your relationship. It tells them I’m paying attention to you, I see you, you are what I am focusing on. It lets them know you’re interested in what they have to say. It’s that simple.
The Less-Talked About Benefits of Cardio
Does Cardio Makes for Better Sex? Yes, yes it does.
When studying women who participate in cardiovascular exercise including cycling, running, swimming and a combination of the three, researchers found that the women who had a regular moderate intensity exercise routine reported a lower level of female sexual dysfunction, orgasm dissatisfaction and trouble becoming aroused.
How does this work?
Exercise affects your body on a physical, emotional and psychological level. Basically, exercise improves your blood flow, strengthens your muscles, makes you feel good, it releases endorphins and decreases stress. These factors work together to have an overall increase on your libido.
Your thoughts on your body
People who regularly exercise tend to feel more comfortable and confident in their body. This translates to more self-confidence, better body image and a more fulfilling sex life. These women tend to be better at appreciating what their body is capable of and communicating what their body needs to feel good.
If you’re in a rut, how about trying some cardio to boost your libido up!