What does this mean to you? Does every touch lead somewhere? Should it?
This is a common thing I’m told from my patients; they avoid ALL touch because they are afraid of the beginning of it leading somewhere and then having to turn their partner down because they’re not interested in sex or struggling with their libido. They avoid it all together because they find it easier. This can cause relationship breakdown.
Not all touch needs or SHOULD be sexual, it can be sometimes, and sexual activity does start that way, it is also very important to have touch without implications, where you feel safe, where you feel loved and cared for and you don’t feel there are any expectations. This is how INTIMACY is created and this is different from sex. It is a building block. It releases oxytocin our feel-good hormone; it brings us closer together, it maintains our bond. When one partner in a couple is struggling with their libido, touch is a fantastic way to remain close and show love and affection for one another.
So what is nonsexual touch?
This can be cuddling on the couch, nuzzling into their arm or chest in bed, resting a hand on their leg, kissing when you leave for your day or come home at night, playing with her hair or giving him a head rub. These things ensure you maintain that closeness when sex is not on the table.
What to do about it?
For starters, take note of when and how you touch each other and how you feel about it. Then have a conversation about it and try incorporating some of these other ways to connect instead.
Category: Stress
A Peak into Female Sexual Function
This is not as routine as getting a blood test. And it’s definitely not something that happens at your regular check-up. It’s not something that is the same for everyone. It IS dependent on what each person WANTS and FEELS. This can be vastly different.
So how do we measure it?
Sexual function is a tricky thing. There are so many different factors that contribute to it. It is not black and white or about engaging (or not engaging) in sexual activity solely. There is a Physical, Mental, Emotional, Sensual and Relationship aspect to it. Then we consider your overall health too; like your hormonal balance, your stress response, how you’re sleeping and what your energy looks like throughout the day.
Let’s look at the breakdown:
- Sexual Desire
- Sexual Satisfaction
- Emotional Relationship with Sex
- Emotional Relationship with your Body
- Relationship Satisfaction (with a partner or yourself)
- Overall Health
Have you been thinking about your Sexual Wellness? Are you looking for something more or someone to discuss it with? Book an appointment to see how I can help get you to living your most satisfied life!
A Need to Know:
Your libido fluctuates. This is NORMAL.
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What’s not normal is when it stays that way for a long time. You are missing out on such a big part of being human; we all DESERVE PLEASURE in our life. Right now, the majority of us are under an increased level of stress and this could be killing your sex drive, but there are other underlying issues that could be having an effect. Let’s learn the causes:
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The Obvious Ones (the ones we normally think of)
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Hormonal Imbalance
Vulvodynia (Painful Sex)
Stress
Relationship Breakdown
Lack of Sleep
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The Less Obvious Ones (these are just as important)
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Endometriosis
Poor Body Image
Past Sexual Trauma
Low Self-Esteem
Vaginismus (Involuntary Vaginal Contractions)
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There are SO many reasons you may not be feeling yourself right now. That is okay. I am here to make sure that you get back on track solo, or with your partner, because we all need that. When patients come back to see me and tell me how much better they are feeling, it lights me up. Let me do that for you, book an appointment today!
There’s More Than One Reason for Pelvic Pain
How do these relate?
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The official definition of pain is “an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with actual or potential tissue damage or described in terms of such damage.”
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Did you catch that?
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Pain has an emotional connection. Does this mean that your pain is all in your head? ABSOLUTELY NOT. But pain does not always provide accurate information on the health of your tissues. If your pain has been persistent for over 3 months, your central nervous system (CNS) may be playing a big part in your pain response.
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The CNS and the sensation of pain
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This weekend I’ve been taking my Pelvic Floor Therapist Level 3 course to learn more about all the different types of pelvic pain, including pain with sex, to help my patients. We’ve spent a lot of time discussing the role of the central nervous system and how pain lives in the body. One of the main takeaways of this was the role of central sensitization which is the amplification of your nerve signals within your CNS which is causing your hypersensitivity to pain. In basic terms, your nerves are firing when they shouldn’t be or sending more signals than they should.
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If you’re living with chronic pelvic pain, please know you don’t have to! There are so many things you can do to fix this. Set up an appointment with me so we can get to the root of your pain and get you back to enjoying your life the way you want to!
Let’s Improve your Sleep & your Relationship
This has two benefits.
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Let’s start with sleep
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Researchers looked at stopping the use of your smartphone just 30 minutes before falling asleep. The results? After only four weeks sleep latency was reduced (the amount of time it takes to fall asleep), the amount of time you were actually asleep increased, your sleep quality improved (meaning you were able to achieve those coveted deep sleep waves). They found a reduction in your pre-sleep arousal (or an improvement in your relaxation), and as an added bonus, the NEXT day participants had improved mood (this is definitely me) and working memory. Is there a downside to this? I can’t think of one.
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How blue light affects your body
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Your body needs to produce melatonin (a hormone that helps regulate your circadian rhythm) to let you know it’s time to sleep. This is done through your eyes exposure, or lack thereof to light. It has been shown that light lowers the production of melatonin and that blue light (from smartphones) is extra powerful at doing this, making it even harder for you to fall asleep.
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And now for the effect on your relationship
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This is the easy one, I bet you can guess it. You get that extra little bit of quality time together. You can nurture your connection, check in at the end of a long day, and snag a snuggle increasing your oxytocin secretion (creating those feelings of love).
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If you are struggling with your sleep, I can help! There are many ways (other than just this) to help you fall asleep and stay asleep through the night. You can wake up feeling refreshed, let me get you there.
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DOI: 10.1371/journal.pone.0228756
Add Sex to your Wellness Routine
Let’s say that again. And now let’s think about it.
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What does optimization mean?
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It’s realizing your best life. It’s ensuring you are experiencing pleasure more times than you’re missing out. It’s learning how to make your body work for you. It’s improving your relationship with your body, yourself and your overall health. It’s realizing there are many ways to experience pleasure, it’s making love not porn.
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When we usually seek help
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When something is WRONG. Not when something is not quite right. If we can live with it, we leave it. It doesn’t have to be this way. You know your body better than anybody else. You know when it’s off. So why not address it? It doesn’t have to be a major problem for it to be a MAJOR problem for you.
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What might be wrong?
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Multiple things. Your libido is low. You’re in a love-hate relationship with your body. You experience pain with sex (vulvodynia). You’ve never achieved an orgasm (anorgasmia). You have vaginal dryness. Your period causes you pain and discomfort every month so miss that week. That pesky UTI keeps coming back (or that yeast infection). Your body is not working for YOU period.
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I work with women to help put a pin on what is missing; what is not quite right and then we work together to develop a plan to fix it. Life’s to short to not fully experience pleasure, am I right?
You Should Masturbate
Masturbation is normal and healthy. ?
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Masturbation leads to having an orgasm which is quite important. It has numerous health benefits on your body. Let’s start with its ability to improve your immune system, decrease your stress levels, improve your relationship with your body and provide pain relief.
Should every woman be doing it?
YES. Masturbation is not for men only. It is for everyone. Forget the shame associated with it and embrace it. You will thank yourself later.
How orgasms make your immune system stronger
Orgasms increase your levels of IgA. IgA is an immunoglobin that is your body’s first line of defense against infection. It stops bacteria and viruses from sticking to your mucosal surfaces which are mostly found in your respiratory, gastrointestinal and urogenital tracts. This is big if you don’t want to get sick especially with cold and flu season around the corner. A study done in college age adults found that having an orgasm 1-2 per week increased their IgA levels by 30 percent.
The stress-orgasm connection
You know that feeling you get when you are on edge and everything is bothering you? You don’t want to be touched, your anxious and everything is overwhelming? This is when you need to masturbate. Trust me. This is your remedy to relax. Your body releases a mass dose of oxytocin right as you climax. This is your natural anti-stress antidote. As your oxytocin levels increase, your cortisol (stress hormone) and blood pressure fall, helping you bliss out.
DOI: 10.2466/pr0.94.3.839-844
Stress and your Libido
Is stress lowering your libido?
Cortisol is one of our bodies main stress hormones, it gets produced when our body is reacting to a threat – real or not. This is great in times of actual danger giving you the best chance to think clearly and move fast.
But when you’re stressed due to your day to day you don’t need it. Cortisol turns down all ‘non-essential’ responses in the body – the reproductive system being one of them. Not feeling turned on when you’re stressed? This could be why.
Although stress can be unavoidable, the way we deal with it is not. Make an appointment to find out ways you can manage your stress to get you back to living the life you want.